11 August 2012
25 July 2012
Oh Susannah (Conway)
Two weeks ago I had the great privilage of meeting the woman behind all the Unraveling I've done over the past two years. Susannah was even more brilliant and funny and oh-so real in person, and I will treasure having been in the same room as someone who has inspired so much of my journey toward self-love and creative growth. She just wrote her first book, This I Know, and if you haven't read it already, then I highly recommend you do. I've documented much of my Unraveling journey here on my blog, so if you look back at my archives you will get a small, though wildly incomplete, idea of what Susannah's book is about. She writes so beautifully and has a wonderful way of pulling you in and hugging you with her words. Below are two small portions of the excerpts Susannah read to the small crowd of 35 people intimately packed in Kelly Rae's studio in Portland two weeks ago, and it's an understatement to say Susannah stole my heart...
An Ending, A Beginning...
"There wasn't any particular moment when my healing began, but moving back to the coast gave me the head and heart space I needed. I've never regretted leaving London the way I did. It also meant I was closer to my oldest friend. There were many evenings when helping Madeleine make dinner for the kids was the most soothing balm I could have wished for, the constant noise and chatter bringing me back into my body and aware of what day it was. Children are so alive, so in the right now, like little Zen masters in Spiderman pajamas."
The Art of Belonging....
"The day of his birth is a story shared between my sister, her partner, and me, our mother waiting outside the ward, a twenty-six hour transitin from before to after, the final ten-hour stretch fueled by laughing gas for my sister and endless sandwhiches for me. As my sister drifted in and out of consciousness, I have never been more present than I was during those last few hours. I took photographs of the delivery room so she could remember the place where her son was born; I held her hand through the contractions; I stepped away to let the new father hold his son. I saw his little face come out, and watched the slippery smallness of his body carried up and over into my sister's arms. And I didn't know it at the time, but my heart opened right then in preparation for what was to come; if I'd listened closely I'd have heard the bandages rip."
15 May 2012
Whatever Happens is the Only Thing That Could Have Happened
About a month ago I went with some girls from my book club to hear Anne Lamott speak in Portland. It was the first time I ever went to listen to an author and I can’t imagine a better person to start with than Anne. She is funny and real in ways that help me feel less alone and like my insanity isn’t all that abnormal after all. Everyone who showed up to hear Anne talk got a signed copy of her new book, Some Assembly Required, A journal of my son’s first son, which she co-wrote with her son, Sam, and which I just finished reading last week. Anne is one of those authors whose books I can’t help but ruin. The once pristine pages of her books are permanently warped with dog-eared corners, underlining, and giant tear stains. At first I didn’t think I’d enjoy this book as much as her others because I am not a grandma - yet. But I was wrong. These are some of the best quotes I’ve heard in awhile (though it took me a while to find them again amidst all the tear stained pen marks)…
“Sam is still every age he ever was…and Jax is already every age he ever will be…”
“Grace is a small white butterfly, and life is a semi trailer careening up 101.”
“You can’t jump until you sink down a little. And when you are aloft, there is always such dark and sad stuff underneath, below you. But if you touch down into it first, it helps you get aloft.”
“I hate to be the person whom people have to protect themselves from, as Sam had to do all those years, as all kids have to do to some degree.”
“I was reminded of the four Immutable Laws of the Spirit: Whoever is present are the right people. Whenever it begins is the right time. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened. And when it’s over, it’s over. It was over.”
On the Stations of the Cross: “Also, it is all of life – you walk, you fall, you get up, you go on, you fall, you get up, you go on, you die, you resurrect.”
(P.S. I also went to see Davis Sedaris two weeks ago - which I will write more about later - and I will be going to hear Susannah Conway talk about her new book in July. 'Tis the year of authors!)
15 December 2011
The Dance
I just finished reading a book called The Dance and I can't tell you how many times it brought me to tears. It is like the author took my heart and wrote this poem with it...
{The Dance
"I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.
"Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.
"Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when
you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.
"Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.
"Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .
"I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?
"And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that
help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently
loving those we once loved out loud.
"Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make
my heart whole again and again.
"Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have
too high a price, let us remind each other that it is never about the money.
"Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.
"Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.
"And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.
"Don’t say, 'Yes!'
Just take my hand and dance with me."
~by Oriah, Mountain Dreamer
06 October 2011
A Bosom To Call My Own
Question: What's the point of having a large bosom, not to mention decades and decades of life experience under your belt if you don't have someone to comfort with said bosom and life experience? I'd say practically no point at all. Well, that's the conclusion me and my book club came to anyway. After I expressed an innate desire to snuggle with an August Boatwright-type character who has a large bosom and many years of wisdom to comfort me with - and after much concurrence from the group - The Boob was born. One of our girls crocheted this lovely bosom for us to pass around from month to month; and because it is my book pick this month I have the privilege of snuggling with this bosom. All. Month. Long.
And in case you're wondering what my book pick is, it's Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer - one of the best books I've read in awhile!
15 July 2011
I Will Not Die An Unlived Life
I'm currently reading a book by Dawna Markova called I Will Not Die An Unlived Life, and this is the dedication:
"This book is dedicated to...those
who insist on breaking free of the limitations of their previous history,
who wish to love the life they live, and live a life they can love,
and
who are committed to serving the best of what can be possible."
If that's not enough of a clincher, Dawna then goes on to start the first chapter with this poem she wrote after her father died:
“I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.”
And that's just the beginning! This book definitely gets an official place in the "permanent stack" next to my bed.
03 June 2011
Read To Me
"Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it." ~P.J. O'Rourke
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." ~Groucho Marx (Attributed)
"You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend." ~Paul Sweeney
"To read without reflecting is like eating without digesting." ~Edmund Burke
"Never judge a book by its movie." ~J.W. Eagan
21 January 2011
One Word
Prompt 1: One Word {via Reverb 10}
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)
2010 in one word? Uncertain. Uncertain because I have felt really lost and displaced this past year. Stuck between knowing what I want then not knowing what I want. Having what I want then not wanting it anymore. Knowing who I am then not knowing myself at all. Not wanting what I used to want but not knowing what's next. It's difficult to explain, but all of that uncertainty has caused anxiety, loneliness, exhaustion, and anger. And I think some of it has come from a belief that at some point I will have it all figured out. That at some point everything will stop changing and I can just settle into something predictable, which is complete nonsense, and consequently leads to my new word for 2011: Courage.
Courage because I feel afraid of all the uncertainty. Afraid of not having complete and utter control. The reality that everything, everything, is constantly in the process of changing makes me uncomfortable. I enjoy predictability. I thrive on routine and consistency. But the truth is, life is changing all the time. Life is uncertain, and it's exhausting trying convince myself and live like it's otherwise. So this year it is Courage I need to face the constant changes within myself and the world around me. Courage to be compassionate with myself, with life, and with others. Courage to be imperfect, make mistakes, and not always have it figured out and under control. Courage to love with an open heart and think with an open mind. Courage to figure out what is important and live out of it. Courage for 2011.
{Images Via The Principals of Uncertainty by Maira Kalman ~ LOVE her!}
12 January 2011
B is for Beard
A few weeks ago Erin invited to me go to Crafty Wonderland: Portland's Arts + Crafts Extravaganza, to do some last minute Christmas shopping. It turned out to be more like browsing since I didn't have any money to spend on the adorable cross stitched wall hangings, handmade jewelry, and re-purposed clothing. And if that wasn't bad enough, I felt completely inadequate and totally average about my own crafting skills after being surrounded by all that talent. Even Amy Sedaris couldn't help me out on this one. But despite these obstacles, one of my favorite finds was this book I picked up at one of the more "manly" booths by illustrator and rhyme extraordinaire BT Livermore, aka Rad Robot. As I mentioned before my husband sports a rockin' beard, and in an effort to keep the beard-love going I gave the book to John for his birthday.
And if you are like me and can't grow your own beard, but desperately want one (unlike me), your problem is solved. Check out the latest in beard madness: the beard beanie...
No? Well, it was worth a shot.
17 December 2010
Give Me Guide, part V: Read Me
Today is the last day of Give Me Guides, and to be quite honest I'm exhausted from all the time I've spent pouring over the things I want---the blatant narcissism probably hasn't helped either---but don't let that fool you, I'm really excited about today's Give Me Guide: books. I've divided things up into four categories: Coffee Table Humor, Art and Design, Inspirational/Growth, and Literature. I'm a bit more picky about the second two categories, so I don't have quite as many Wants in that area. But rest assured, all of these books would satiate any number of my moods and personalities, and hopefully some of them will for you too. Happy Reading!
GIVE ME GUIDE: Books
Coffee Table Humor...
Simple Times by Amy Sedaris
I Love Bacon by Jayne Rockmill
The Bedwetter by Sarah Silverman
Mad Men: The Illustrated World by Dyna Moe
Screw Calm and Get Angry by Ebury Press
I Hate Everything by Matthew DiBenedetti
Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk by David Sedaris
Art and Design...
The Exquisite Book by various artist
The Black Apple's Paper Doll by Emily Martin
The Principals of Uncertainty by Maira Kalman
Tossed and Found by Linda & John Meyers
Lists by Lisa Kirwin
Inspirational...
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
The Dance by Oriah
I Will Not Die an Unlived Life by Dawna Markova
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
Literature...
The Help by Kathryn Stockett
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
(I'm currently reading the last book by Kazuo Ishiguro for my book club and it's really good so I had to include it.)
I hope this lovely Friday finds you happy and well. See you Monday!
"The more you read, the more things you'll know.
The more you learn, the more places you'll go."
~Dr. Seuss