It's week six of my Unraveling course and this week we are finding ways to make changes in our lives. I have had a particularly difficult time implementing changes this week. I seems like most of the changes I want right now are internal changes, but here are a few things I came up with:
Letting Go...
{Not unlike every morning this past week, yesterday morning was complete chaos. There's always something that doesn't go as planned and it always leaves me totally stressed out. So as my husband was rushing out the door to a meeting he forgot he had, and my kids were whining and complaining about not wanting to get dressed or make their bed or eat their breakfast, I turned around and stole a startling glance at myself in the mirror. For a split second I thought my mohawk was kinda cool, and then I realized it just looked like a guy. But I soon reached a point in the morning when I thought "Fuck it! Let's just get ourselves out the door." So this is the mess I left behind and the hairdo that walked my daughter to school - and I didn't even bother putting on a bra. All. Day. Long.
It turned out to be a good day.}
Big Changes...
{I know this week is "supposed" to be about making little changes each day, but it feels like I've made so many changes lately that I feel pretty great if somethings NOT changing.
First, I shared in Unraveling 1 that one of my alter-ego's is a student/professional. I recently started working toward that dream in September by enrolling for classes at my local community college. It feels incredibly daunting, and I'm scared to death, but as always I am clinging to my favorite quote by Anais Nin while I navigate this new change: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."
Second, after years of being in "hair limbo" I decided to get a pixie cut this past May. Again, I was scared, but I've officially fallen in love.
Third, as I shared in week one, we moved in February to a lovely house in my most favorite neighborhood in town. I was (again) completely freaked out about making this move because it meant our rent would increase AND we'd be renting from a couple who was originally trying to sell the house. But all in all it boiled down to seizing the day, and even though we might not be in this house forever, the move was completely worth it.
Fourth, I got my first tattoo this past August and like I shared in my video during week two, it took me years to figure out what I wanted and another many years to muster the courage to do something so permanent. Now I don't know what the big fuss was about - I love it!
And Finally, I started working again after being home with my kids for the past almost-seven years. It's nothing glamorous - just waiting tables a few nights a week - but I can't tell you how much I've needed this change. I didn't realize quite how desperate I'd been feeling these past few years until now. It also feels really good to be contributing again financially.
So after years of feeling lost and sad and tired, it has all become too painful and now I must bloom. My tattoo with all it's circles and spirals serves it purpose by reminding me everyday that things are always changing:
Life. Death. Life.}
