Blast into the Past

Last week was "Memories" week for the online e-course I'm taking. As soon as the assignment was given I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I'm not sure how other people feel about their past, but for me, I don't really like looking back. When I look back I tend to be self-critical, berating myself with "shoulda, woulda, coulda." But I find that I am much easier on my very young, early childhood self. She was so sweet and cute and innocent. She had her whole life in front of her and she was amazed by so many things. Despite the fact that she was born into a bit of chaos, dysfunction, and heartache, I can't help but love, truly love, that little girl. So here are the images and words I shared with the group of women I'm so grateful to be doing this e-course with.

This is me on my great grandparents farm when I was little. Gramps made up nick names for all the kids in the family and his name for me was "Jake"~ though I'm not sure why. This letter is one of the only letters I have from him. He wasn't much for writing, so I'm really grateful to have this little memory of him. I remember always being happy when I was with Nan and Gramps, and I loved how he teased me endlessly.

When I was little I went to live with my grandparents, and my very first memories in life begin with them. Things changed a lot for me when I left their home at the age of 7, so I chose to focus these photos on the part of my childhood when I felt the most safe, secure, and loved.

When I was a baby my father died in a car accident. I don't have very many photos of him and I remember looking at these particular photos for hours when I was a kid. I thought he was so handsome. I also would imagine him being whatever and whomever I needed at the moment, which always brought the conflict of comfort and sadness. The photo at top-right is the one that was in his wallet when he died.

The picture on the left is of my husband when he was a baby, the one on the right is of me. I love seeing them side by side and imagining what sort of friends we would have been if we'd known each other as children. I think he still would have made me laugh.